- Set Boundaries (and Don’t Feel Guilty)
During special family events we often will compromise to make our family members feel comfortable until it becomes awkward for a number of reasons. Unfortunately you can’t treat or view every loved one the same, some will respect boundaries and others wont respect boundaries so it is up to you to stand firm on your boundaries even if it comes off as rude.
Examples
Decide what topics, behaviors, or interactions are off-limits for you. For me, some family members use to rudely ask me questions about my love life which was very inappropriate to me. Instead of answering the question I would ignore it and redirect the topic of the conversation or put or look at my phone and search for affirmations and take a walk.
Politely but firmly enforce your boundaries (example: “I’m not comfortable discussing that right now.”).
Remember, protecting your mental health is not selfish—it’s necessary.
2.You Don’t Have to Be a Savior for Every Family Dysfunction or Crisis
Resist being pulled into drama or playing referee. Sometimes, stepping back is the most helpful thing you can do.
Let go of the idea that it’s your responsibility to fix every issue or resolve every conflict.
3.You Don’t Need to Over-Explain Why You Don’t Want to Engage with Their Toxicity
Avoid justifying or overexplaining your actions—your mental health doesn’t require validation.
A simple “I’d prefer not to discuss this” or “I’m stepping away for now” is enough.
You have to understand that …
Understand That People Must Want to Change Themselves( Including Family Members)
- Toxic people won’t change unless they are willing to do the work.
- Trying to make them see your perspective often leads to more tension and conflict.
Sticking Around Can Enable Toxic Behavior
- Your presence, despite the dysfunction, can be interpreted as acceptance of their behavior.
- Stepping away sends a stronger message about your boundaries and self-respect.
4.You Don’t Need Family Approval to Love and Value Yourself
Focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled, even if it goes against family expectations.
Your worth isn’t tied to anyone else’s validation or acceptance.
Recognize your own value and practice self-love without waiting for others to affirm it.
When your at a point in life where you want to elevate or just change circumstances that are familiar or “normal”, its unfortunate that it often will come with backlash from loved ones. Everyone is not meant to go with you during each growth phase in your life. It is up to you to create or adopt family like people who are of the same growth mindset as you.
5.It’s Okay to Walk Away or Cut Off Toxic Family Members
Walking away isn’t giving up—it’s choosing to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
If someone’s behavior is persistently harmful and they show no willingness to change, it’s okay to remove yourself from their influence.
Remember: an apology doesn’t always mean genuine change. Words without action don’t guarantee better behavior.