We often hear the term “toxic masculinity,” but what does it actually mean? Is masculinity itself the problem, or are the real culprits the toxic societal norms that shape how men are expected to behave? In a world that’s still largely male-dominated, where men’s issues are often prioritized over women’s, it can be easy to conflate strength with dominance, and assertiveness with aggression. But where do we draw the line, and how do we redefine masculinity in a healthier way?
To be clear, masculinity in itself isn’t the issue. Traits like leadership, resilience, and strength—often seen as traditionally masculine—are valuable in many aspects of life. What becomes toxic is when these traits are used to justify sexism, dominance, or suppressing emotions. It’s not stern leadership that’s inherently toxic, but when leadership turns into control, when strength becomes a refusal to show vulnerability, and when assertiveness morphs into dismissing or overpowering others, particularly women, that’s where the problems lie.
One key issue is how deeply ingrained these norms are. Boys are often conditioned from a young age to see themselves as protectors and providers, expected to be “tough” while being discouraged from expressing emotions beyond anger. This dynamic creates an imbalance, where men are subtly (or overtly) taught that their needs and voices matter more than women’s. Over time, this normalization leads many men to engage in sexist behaviors without even realizing it. This is where the real problem of toxic masculinity lies—not in being male or strong, but in unexamined behaviors rooted in male privilege and domination.
What It Means for Men to Be Emotional
A critical part of this conversation is about emotions. Society often presents a false dichotomy where emotional expression is either seen as “sassy,” “weak,” or “soft”—traits often discouraged in men. But the truth is, being emotional doesn’t mean acting sassy or being fragile; it means achieving emotional balance. It’s about having the full range of human emotions without fear of judgment or ridicule. This includes allowing oneself to be vulnerable, to express sadness, empathy, joy, or fear—without sacrificing strength or stability.
For too long, men have been told that emotions make them weak, but the reality is, emotional vulnerability is a sign of strength. Vulnerability is about honesty and courage—it takes strength to admit fear, to express hurt, and to let people in. Men should not feel pressured to live up to an emotionally repressed ideal just to appear “masculine.” Emotional health is about balance—having the ability to be strong and resilient when needed, but also knowing when to allow oneself to feel and express deeper emotions.
Emotional balance is crucial for men because repressing emotions often leads to mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and anger, which can manifest in unhealthy ways. When men are told to “man up” and bottle their emotions, they are not given the tools to process feelings like grief, disappointment, or love in healthy ways. This suppression of feelings can lead to increased aggression, substance abuse, or isolation—behaviors that are often praised or excused under the guise of masculinity but are, in reality, signs of emotional imbalance.
Redefining Masculinity
We need to start reframing what it means for men to be emotional. Vulnerability doesn’t detract from strength; it enhances it. A man who can express his emotions in a balanced way is a man who is not afraid to confront his own humanity. Emotional intelligence, the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions and the emotions of others, is not only a valuable skill for relationships but is also key to strong leadership and self-awareness. It helps men build deeper, more meaningful connections with others—whether in personal relationships, friendships, or professional settings.
By embracing emotional balance, men can break free from the limiting societal norms that equate emotional expression with weakness. This doesn’t mean abandoning masculinity or its positive traits like courage and decisiveness. Instead, it means evolving the concept of masculinity to include qualities like compassion, empathy, and vulnerability. When men allow themselves to feel and express their full range of emotions, they become healthier, more grounded individuals—and better partners, fathers, and leaders.
Toxic Societal Norms: The Real Culprit
The problem isn’t masculinity—it’s the toxic societal norms that pressure men into rigid, emotionless roles while simultaneously telling women they must take on the emotional burden of relationships. Men have been conditioned to believe that they need to be in control at all times, to show strength by never wavering. But this idea of control, especially over women, feeds into sexism, where men unintentionally or intentionally dismiss women’s concerns, talk over them, or prioritize their own needs.
Much of this comes from a longstanding belief that women are somehow “less than” or the “weaker gender.” This false notion is embedded in how we talk about men’s and women’s roles in society, in relationships, and even in workplaces. Unfortunately, some women also internalize these beliefs, reinforcing the very power dynamics that hold them back.
The solution lies not in rejecting masculinity but in redefining it. We need to create space for men to be emotionally balanced without judgment. We need to teach men that it’s okay to cry, to feel fear, to express joy or sadness without being labeled as weak. Likewise, we need to challenge societal norms that place women in subservient roles or expect them to be the sole emotional caretakers.
A Balanced Society for All
True strength comes from self-awareness, empathy, and emotional balance—traits that both men and women should embrace. By recognizing the difference between toxic behaviors and positive expressions of masculinity, we can build a society where men aren’t constrained by limiting ideals and women aren’t diminished by outdated norms.
So, is masculinity the problem? No. It’s the toxic norms that limit the ways men can express themselves that need to be questioned. We need to encourage men to embrace all aspects of their humanity—not just the stoic or “strong” ones—so they can experience emotional freedom and live richer, more connected lives. In doing so, we also create a world where men and women are seen as equals, not in competition with each other, but as partners in building a balanced and fair society.
What do you think? How can we better encourage emotional balance in men, and challenge the societal norms that stand in the way? Let’s discuss.
4o